Pivot Number 10

The questionnaire Bernard Pivot used and James Lipton uses ends with the question "If Heaven exists, what would you like God to say to you when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?"

My previous answer was fairly generic, along the lines of, "Welcome."

Now I have my answer. "Would you make me a pie?"

But what kind of pie would God want? I'm curious what you think.

"It's the mud. It's the mud."

That might be my favorite pairing from the song "Waters of March." It doesn't have any particular significance to this post, but I listened to my cd today that has about eight or ten different versions of the song, and I thought I'd share.

My reason for this post was our lunar Judeo-Christian extended weekend extravaganza. If you're a Christian, Easter is a big deal because Jesus died and rose again on this weekend. And in so doing, He made it possible to live forever if you believe He did. This brings me to my thought and a question.

It has been said that the first lie is "You shall not surely die." Genesis 3:4. Latter-Day Saint theology/philosophy says it was necessary for Adam and Eve to fall so that they could be removed from their state of innocence and then know joy through their spiritual growth (2 Nephi Chapter 2). So we go from "not dying" being a lie, to having the promise of "everlasting life."

Question: Does this all mesh, or is Gen 3:4 not a lie, or is the promise of eternal life also a lie?

We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves. -Francois, duc de La Rochefoucauld, moralist
(1613-1680)

PS This is my 300th post.

Pirates of Penance

I was listening to Led Zeppelin Four (Runes) today at work, and the part in "Stairway to Heaven" about buying the stairway to Heaven made me think of their dig at the sale of indulgences by the Roman Catholic church. I don't remember the name of the guy that sold indulgences who got under Martin Luther's skin, but it was enough for him to make a big stink about it.

This got me thinking of how you can buy carbon offsets now. What makes them any different than indulgences? And who will be this generation's environmental Martin Luther, propounding a heavenly environmental grace?

O Nival Night

I like many Christmas songs, so I've turned to my local soccer mom radio stations more frequently to catch their Christmas format. Today I went to church, and while driving there, O Holy Night played on the radio. The line that I never noticed before that I really like is "Till He appear'd and the soul felt its worth." I was disappointed to find that the 1985 version of The Seventh-day Adventist Hymnal doesn't include the song.

But back to that lyric, it seems to encapsulate the majesty and power of Jesus so efficiently, reflecting its own eloquence. That Jesus came to save all souls and that they recognized not only His ability to save, but also His glory, wells up in them a value previously unknown. His presence carries twofold meaning, that he is there to die for them, and because he is so great, they are also great.

After church, I went to Grateful Bread with Karen, Angela, Katie Carlson, and Ben Yancer. Their menu item of the day was Moroccan Chili Soup. It was very tasty, but not for everyone. Before I got there, Karen was in line and an elderly woman came in and asked if that was the only soup they had. Karen responded that probably it was, which was greeted with disappointment by the woman who whimpered, "It's too spicy for me." as she left.

Then I took a nap and it was Toaster Streudel at Ben and Ashley's. I could only stay there for about an hour though, because I had plans to play Guitar Hero at Hans' with one of our student workers and Lindsay, his girlfriend and my friend. Guitar Hero is a fun game, and I recommend it.

I was watching The World Stands Up on BBC America and a half Native American comic said that for the Indians Thanksgiving Day is called You're Welcome Day. The other thing he said that caught my attention was, "My father is unique. He has a brother who is his identical twin."

Tomorrow I try to make a woven lattice top apple pie.

Proverbs 22: 6

So last night, I watched Knocked Up. Its characters are focused on creating an environment to bring a child into. There is a bit of a montage at the end where they are taking their daughter to the park and swinging with her on the playset, but mainly, it stops where the real parenting begins.

Then today while driving back from flag football practice and scrimmage, I was thinking how much I love playing football and how that love has influenced decisions in my life.

I played little league football when I was in Fourth Grade (side note: there is not a Grade Four in Ukraine) in Wheeling, IL, a suburb of Chicago. I was part of the Wheeling Sooners and rode my yellow mountain bike with my pads hanging from a one handle bar throwing off my balance to every practice. I guess for my dedication, the coach chose me to run through the paper hoop first for our "homecoming" game. The actual event was not as glamorous as I had hoped, as I tripped on the hoop and ran for about fifteen yards with my torso parallel to the ground trying to get my balance before I did a little forward roll. This was the start. I played offensive line and line backer and we went 1-9 that season.

My next organized play was in Doland, SD in 7th and 8th grade. These were the salad days, and we were a pretty good team on our Monday afternoon games. Then the summer after my eighth grade year I decided to be baptized because I wanted to be part of the Remnant before the 12 o' clock hour. High School football games are generally played on Friday nights (the start of Sabbath). So in order to continue my athletic career and my spiritual walk, I decided to go to DAA where I wouldn't have a conflict between the Sabbath and football, even if it was just flag.

Eight years earlier Hans Widicker, my current boss, was playing high school football for Bowdon High on Thursday nights, an arrangement made specifically for him, and his brother who was two years ahead. Hans also played basketball and missed District games that were played on Saturday. From what I can gather, Hans was talented enough to play after high school at least at a small college. But college ball is played on Saturdays, so to maintain his witness to a community that broke traditions for his Faith; he went to Union. This is still a bit of a sore subject with Hans, and understandably so.

Back to my thoughts during my drive home from practice:
Considering my history, how do I raise my child to navigate the conflict between their passions and their faith? Do I bring faith to them at all, or do I fuel their hobbies at the exclusion of God? And separate from their hobbies, How do I incorporate spirituality, if I decide to, at all?

My present answers to these questions:

I will let them choose how to blend their faith and vocations. I will introduce faith and God as someone who they can always turn to when everyone else has let them down or isn't around for support. I'll lean on the church as an institution to help incorporate spirituality, while encouraging them to question and search for their own answers.

I'm interested in what your answers are to these questions, especially those that are married or are planning to be.

Jagshemash!

A maybe better title would be "Salvation a la Mode and a Cup of Tea," but I really wanted to use this post's title on my previous untitled post, so I'm gonna use it now.

I had a full day today. I got out of bed at a quarter to 8 and went to the Farmer's Market, where I purchased not only a couple pounds of rhubarb but also a rhubarb plant. Yes you read that correctly, I'm going to be responsible for a life other than my own. Amy is inspirational. I'd like to maybe not put it in the ground and increase its growth before I let it go dormant. It will take some research and time, but I've made the plunge; can't back out now.

On the way back from the market there was a nice woman with a Basset hound sitting in front of The Mill. I walked past, and then I realized I wanted to know its name.

So I went back, "Excuse me ma'am, what is your dog's name?"

"Oliver."

"Wonderful, thank you."

I've decided that in addition to "collecting" names like Pornsook Tantrarungroj. I'm going to accumulate dogs and their names. If you would like to assist me, please feel free to submit the breed of dog and its name whenever; a quick comment on this or my other blog will be all that is necessary. The other dog that planted this seed of interest was a blue weimaraner named Dexter, who is owned by my sister's 4-H dog training instructor's daughter. I met him the first weekend in July at West Bend. I also met a Visla/Laborador mix named Reba.

Quickly a few other dogs I know right now:

Walker Treeing Coon Hound, Slade
Blue Tick Coon Hound, Hank
French Mastiff, Captain Jack
fat German Short-hair Pointer, Mustafa "Mus"
St Bernard, Colbert "Bear"
mostly Golden Lab, Molly
German Shepherd, Molly
German Shepherd, Smokey
black Lab, Remington
chocolate Lab, Dakota
Lab/Retriever mix, Max
puff ball, Ernie
Husky, Kodi
Pomeranian, Foxy

Now near the bus stop, I sat at a bench to read the Saturday paper I snagged from atop the newspaper vending machine (This is better than the law firm I stole one from last week. Apparently the delivery persons are fined if they get too many complaints. Thanks Ashley.). I was reading the paper when I noticed a butterfly on the ground next to my foot. It slowly crawled onto my shoe and since its right wing was torn a bit near the bottom; I waited for it to die. It was a yellow Tiger Swallowtail (Papilio glaucus). I decided I was going to wait an hour, and if it wasn't dead by then, I was going to take it home with me. Instead Jose and Joshua, two Catholics from Miami and Dallas respectively, wanted to share with me the happiness and peace they have found in following Jesus. At some point during our discussion, the butterfly flew. :(


Their main reason for me to follow Jesus was to bring myself happiness and fill the emptiness in my heart. I respect their desire to share what they have found to work for them and their ability to not be belligerent in their efforts. Jose identified Original Sin as Selfishness, or Egoism, manifested by wanting to be our own god. I asked how the self love that drives us to want a good life from following Jesus is different from the selfishness of Original Sin. After they left, I thought this was still a good question: What is the line between Self Love and Self ish?

Since I had no butterfly to wait for, I went home, showered, called Wendy, and toured (links on left progress you through the tour) the State Capitol Building. Then we went to a Chinese restaurant and finally Ivanna Cone.

At Ivanna Cone, I had the Meadowlark Sherbert (lavender, honey, lemon, and herbal tea) I had spurned last Tuesday when I went there with Michael, Buffy, and Deidra. I enjoyed it.

Once home alone, I was looking through the classifieds and saw this ad:

BLUE brindle & blue fawn, 7 wks. old, MUST SEE!

I concurred, so I called the number and went over to the owner's apartment directly. They were pit bull pups, and according to the owner, since their eyes are still blue, they will stay that way. There was a stocky boy and a girl pup that were blue with the brindle markings. The girl came up to me of her own accord, but if I were to get one, I would prefer the boy. I think I might be able to talk the guy down to $100, but I'm still reluctant to bring a puppy, or any dog for that matter, into my current apartment. And in case you were wondering, his "blue fawns" didn't seem very blue to to me.

Last night I had a Rogue Morimoto Black Obi Soba Ale. I liked it. According to the Rogue website, soba, or buckwheat, is a member of the rhubarb family. I can't tell you how much this news excites me.

It's an Orangy Sky *

Today at first service, Tom Nazarenus gave the message, because he is in town to give the Baccalaureate address for the CVA graduation ceremonies. The message was titled 1,2,3,4 . . . because that is sometimes how many times it takes us to answer God's call. He provided examples of different people in the Bible who were called by God: Peter, Saul, Moses, Noah, and Samuel (It was the fourth time that God called Samuel that he responded.). Tom then mentioned that while at the academy kids would tell him that they felt called by God, but that they didn't know to what. Tom made the point that God calls us to follow Him--everything else will work itself out. [For those who know/care about Tom and his wife Lisa, they are moving soon to TN where she will be a licensed practitioner nurse in her father's practice.]

Then Pastor Keith Jacobson got up and said that the rumours of his departure were true. He and his family will be taking the pastorate in the Carmichael church in Sacramento, CA, a position he had rejected twice before. In January, his wife said that if No. Cal. asked again they should take a look because her mother is getting older and it would be good to be closer to her. In February, that third call came. Also in consideration of family, the Jacobson's son Zach said that he would move back home if they went to Sacramento. There you have it.

Last night I went to a concert by the LoCash Cowboys. They were very entertaining and diverse in their efforts. They covered Violent Femmes, Sublime, Prince, Lipps Co., Kool and the Gang, Def Leppard, Michael Jackson, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Alabama, Charlie Daniels Band, The Beastie Boys, Snoop Dogg, Steve Miller Band, and others I'm forgetting. Their own songs were also entertaining.

* Lyric from a Cars song, Bye Bye Love, that I could never decipher before. Another nice line is "with your eyes of porcelain and blue."

Labels

So I've taken the time to label all of my beta-blogger posts. So now if you click on any of the labels you'll be able to see all of the posts that included that topic. Most frequent labels are beer, ice cream, movie (don't ask why I didn't go with "movies."), Spirituality, and names. Feel free to take advantage of the work I've done to archive my life.

Some names:

John Butarbutar

Georges Razafindrabe

Christo Bezuidenhout

Georges is from France, Christo works at SDA Language Institute in So. Korea.

Pivot and Tooltime

When I'm browsing television during commercials, I'll often flip to Inside the Actor's Studio with James Lipton with about ten or fifteen minutes left because that is when he administers Bernard Pivot's Proustian questionnaire (I don't know why it is called such. Blame Wiki).

After waxing philosophic on Galaxy Quest, Lipton and Tim Allen did the question thing. I was very impressed by his answer to the final question: If Heaven exists, what do you want God to say to you when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? His answer, "I told you there was nothing to be afraid of."

Part of the lore of God's Mercy is that people who wouldn't enjoy Heaven don't have to be there. He is merciful because he spares them an eternity in what to them would be Hell. It is not just once that I've reflected on my feelings toward someone and concluded that they should be in Heaven and I don't like them.

John Rivera blogged on MySpace recently about his return to Hawaii and how Ellen White thought that might be much like what Heaven will be, yet it was just a place he didn't much care for, given its outside naturey stuff and tropical weather. He concludes:

Heaven is one of those crazy speculated places that I don't feel any of us know much about. I've heard there are gold paved streets and some trees and no seas, but other that, most of it is speculation. A lot of what I hear of heaven even scares me -- I hear there are going to be tons of people there that I may have to socialize with, and that there isn't going to be any steak. I want to go though. Even with all of those scary trees and squirrels, even if it's hot all the time and there isn't any snow, even if I'd be relegated to never living in the city again and have to be stuck in the forest for the rest of my life, I want to go. There's somebody I need to see.

So Heaven is scary. I'm scared of Heaven too; that is why I'm not taking steps to get there. There is also a line of thinking that Heaven begins here on Earth (it ends here too), and if you want to go to Heaven you should start practicing now. C.S. Lewis' The Great Divorce does much to characterize the personalities he thinks will and won't complete the journey to Reality. (It is a quick read if you are interested in this topic.) One foundation of a lot of those that don't make it is their selfishness.

I'm selfish. The irony is that one who wants for themself doesn't want the idealization of eternity, or can't exist in such a place.

Why Not?

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.

Maybe not. What if God isn't benevolent? What if He is actually malevolent? Or just volent?

The question many people struggle with is why God would allow good people to suffer. I think the struggle with this issue of suffering comes with an assumption that God is nice; the disconnect is why a nice entity would permit bad things. But if God isn't nice, then there isn't a conflict. Suffering and malady is often explained away as an obstacle that God places in front of us so that we can grow spiritually. That is actually an integral part of Latter Day Saint theology, as I understand it. It seems like that perspective is a choice based on a desire for God to be good.

I don't desire God to be anything, but I find the opposite perspective interesting. There is plenty of evidence otherwise that God isn't nice. Take, for example, His chosen people, the Jews. There are other groups of people that have suffered, but I'm guessing not to the prolonged historical degree that they have. The Old Testament is one long record of their oppression and suffering.

This perspective then shifts everything else. If God is not good, and possibly even mean, all spiritual success is then solely incumbent on people. They succeed inspite of God. However, I think people, that spiritual success relies on, derive that success from a belief that God is good. I could be wrong though, maybe someone who thinks God is against them, would strive to acheive success to overcome that.

Lungile Sinandile

A Taste of the Word Hoard

Now the whole earth had one language and one speech. And it came to pass, as they journeyed from the east, that they found a plain in the land of Shinar, and they dwelt there. Then they said to one another, "Come let us make bricks and bake them thoroughly." They had brick for stone, and they had asphalt for mortar. And they said, "Come, let us build ourselves a city, and a tower whose top is in the heavens; let us make a name for ourselves, lest we be scattered abroad over the face of the whole earth."

But the Lord came down to see the city and the tower which the sons of men had built. And the Lord said, "Indeed the people are one and they all have one language, and this is what they begin to do; now nothing that they propose to do will be withheld from them. Come let Us go down and there confuse their language, that they may not understand one another's speech."

So the Lord scattered them abroad from there over the face of all the earth, and they ceased building the city. Therefore its name is called Babel, because there the Lord confused the language of all the earth; and from there the Lord scattered them abroad over the face of all the earth. Genesis 11:1-9 NKJV emphasis mine.

Growing up, I was always taught that God confused language because the people blasphemed by building a tower so that they wouldn't drown in another flood; they had no faith in the Rainbow. Without going to any of the provided cross-references, my most recent reading of this passage reveals more ire with the gathering of people and the power they have when they can communicate clearly. (Generally, the passage seems a bit apocryphal too, but I'm not an authority, or even student enough, of the topic to make that judgement either.) Methinks God wanted to keep man down, and keep him separated too (cue The Offspring). Now there could be legitimate reasons for this like preventing disease, an excuse for circumscision in a desert environment, or populating all the corners of the earth. But it seems arbitrary to me, like the requirement of a blood sacrifice from Cain and Abel.

So, if God makes us impotent and separate by muddling our language, does clarifying our language empower and unite us? Speaking the same language sure would be a start to that end.

Don't get me wrong, I revel in the myriad grammars, phonemes, and lexicons. For example, there is a language that has a case that indicates the responsibility of an action. They have a different way to write the word for "I fell down." (and it was my fault) and "I fell down." (and it wasn't my fault). But what is so wrong about being powerful and united? I might forego some variety to that end. Sure someone said learning another language is like gaining a second soul, but what will I do with another soul?

What do you think?

Aftermath

So the Mormons were a half hour late last night. We talked some more about 2 Nephi, starting around verse 22. and how Mormons require transgression and God who commanded Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply, and also to not touch the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Nephi says that they had to lose their innocence to know joy and to have children. So God is commanding them to not lose their innocence and also commanding them to do something that requires their loss of innocence. I don't like this. I believe they were capable of procreation in their pre-Fall state. The Mormons also justify these conflicting commandments by saying He was giving them an opportunity to use their agency, and if they hadn't transgressed the plan of salvation, which was prepared before the foundations of the world, wouldn't be able to start rolling. I say that is victim fishing and that sin would have been finished with a "No!" by Eve's free agency with no need for the plan of salvation.

So that is where we were at then end of a half hour. As promised, I asked them what their goal was from meeting with me. They want what they always want, for me to read and pray over the veracity of the Book of Mormon. I told them I have already done that and I really don't want to, but I have it if I do have that hankering. They then asked me what my goal was in meeting with them. This surprised me, but I replied that I find it important to give people a chance to have their say, and paraphrased this quote from Keats:

The only means of strengthening one's intellect is to make up one's mind about nothing -- to let the mind be a thoroughfare for all thoughts. -John Keats, poet (1795-1821)

That seemed to satisfy them and after closing prayer they were off.

A New Bedtime Story

Michael recommended A. Graham Maxwell to me a while ago. I finally tracked him down, and I really liked what I read, so I got a couple of his books. Until I read those, here is a pdf of an interview that I found refreshing in its perspective on Christ's death. If you don't wanna read the whole thing, which is a shame, it becomes more pertinent around page six and really juicy at page eight.

For me, Maxwell takes a few principles about God and his nature, like freedom and truth and intolerance for sin, and follows them to their conclusions for this question, but also applies them so easily to many others. I love this approach; it is how I play Othello. This is why my wavering on the cross led me to the origin of the necessity for blood sacrifice. I couldn't answer my question until the foundations were understood. That is why even though it doesn't specifically apply to why Jesus had to die. Maxwell's discussion of justice is germane. Amen.

Tonight I saw a Ford Escape. I also noticed it was a Limited edition. I find irony in the existence of a Limited Escape. A bit like the Dodge Ram.

(sidenote: In Arrested Development, George Sr. who has escaped from prison using the stair car is at a car dealership looking at the new models. He is told by the dealer that they don't have the Bronco anymore because they are trying to get way from the fugitive mystique. The dealer then proceeds to show George Sr. the Escape.)

Answers and More Part Two

Jeff and Amy both mentioned my kowtowing statement in their comments, so I guess it deserves more clarification because it touches on other things.

RESPECT. By kowtow, I meant servile deference and from fawn: obsequious (to follow) behaviour. And a God who chases humans around with his love hoping they'll take it from him is obsequious and servile. But, thanks to some clarification from Jeff, God doesn't do that, so he isn't servile or obsequious or fawning. He is steadfast and powerful and loving. I can and do respect that. Amy, you thought if I were God that I wouldn't kowtow to humans. I probably wouldn't, but that doesn't mean I'd be a good God, and I think we're all fortunate I'm not.

VALUE. I'll try to make the last part of my previous post a bit clearer, hopefully Ockam won't get me. I'll rephrase by saying, "I don't find my value in the fact that God sacrificed his son for me." Jeff, you're right that my possibility comes from the Creator. [While the previous assumption about unrequited love being more valuable has been debunked, I'll continue to defend my reasoning. I figured rejected love was more valuable, so if I accepted God's love instead of rejecting it, that made it less valuable. So according to that thinking, identifying yourself by a love you have devalued by accepting it doesn't make sense. That is why I don't identify myself by God's love for me. I hope I provided more answers than questions.]

MORE. I talked about my disillusionment before in the "Jeremy Birge" post. Now I'll talk a bit about my beginning and a different disillusionment. I was baptised the summer before my freshman year. I chose to be baptised because I wanted to be part of the Remnant (there was a Prophecy Seminar the previous autumn from our pastor.) We were in the eleventh hour of eschatological time. I didn't want to miss out. The problem with this was that ten years later I don't have that urgency, and since I was baptised into the second, not first, advent part of Seventh-Day Adventism, I'm left with not much. When I was baptised, I didn't really accept what I should have as a baptismal candidate, Christ's sacrifice. This continued from that point. I've never prayed to Jesus, always God. So I understand my circumstances have come from my past and my honesty, or lack thereof, with what I truly believe. Which brings us to . . .

BELIEF. To me belief is an acceptance of an intangible based on evidence. Faith is acceptance of an intangible in spite of evidence. Faith is important, as hope is important. I believe in God and have faith in many aspects of Him. A lot of my evidence of God comes from my ability to reason. I've also felt strong emotion during worship which I attribute at least partly to God. I also hope that there is a god, which is my main exercise in faith.

Vansittart Huggins

Answers and More Part One

I thank all who commented on my Another Try post. Your comments and concerns are very appreciated. I hope to address some of the latter here.

I realize I don't live in a vacuum. I know that I have family and friends that are interested in what I believe and think, especially when those beliefs and thoughts are in conflict with their own. I might have mentioned this before in a follow-up comment, but I want to reiterate that my beliefs don't derive from any of my experiences with other Christians, and actually if they did, I'd probably be finishing up in the Seminary right now. I have many friends and family members whose faith in Christ I admire, and envy. BUT I don't think God wants me to believe based on others, but from my own thoughts and experience with Him.

Since my last post on this topic, I've been reading again from Clive Lewis' Mere Christianity, namely book two What Christians Believe. Page 52 at the end of chapter 3 in that book:
I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him( Christ):'I'm ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don't accept His claim to be God.' That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic--on a level with the man who says he is a poached egg--or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a man or something worse. You can shut Him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can fall at his feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronising nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to.

I agree. So instead of going with what I said earlier about Jesus being a great moral teacher. I'm going to have to go with one of the other two choices.

Page 55: We are told that Christ was killed for us, that His death has washed out our sins, and that by dying He disabled death itself. That is the formula. That is Christianity. That is what has to be believed.

That is not what I believe.

Terri wanted to share 1 John 5 with me. Verses 1 and 5: Whoever believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves him who begot also loves him who is begotten of Him.
5 Who is he who overcomes the world, but he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?

I believe the first verse says if you believe Jesus is the saviour you are born of God and also that if you love God you also love Jesus, and yourself since you are born of God if you believe Christ (a bit circular). And as for the fifth verse, I'm not really looking to overcome the world.

Jeff made some good points and asked some good questions which I'll try to do justice to now. LOVE. I agree with you Jeff and thank you for your perspective. It makes sense that God, who is unchanging, would have love that is also unchanging. I guess the pill I have a hard time swallowing is that the Crucifixion is the best manifestation of that love.

I've been working on this post since Tuesday, I'll give you what I have now and be assured I'm not done. Til part two. TTFN

Dale Vassantachart

Another Try

Alright, I'm gonna save this draft every other sentence.

I mentioned plenty about what I don't believe or know, now for some of what I do.

Angela said that he loves me. This I know. As I was thinking about the Cross, I tried to find some loophole that didn't require Jesus to die to cover our sins (much like I'm eager for evidence that the "Spirit of Prophecy" isn't or doesn't have to be Ellen White.) After coming up empty there, I thought about why God sacrificed his son. It is because he loves us and wants to have us live with him forever, so much that even if no one accepts his gift, he still gives it. Which love is greater, requited or unrequited? I'm guessing that the love that is rejected is greater. What makes us worthy of God killing his son for us? His love. We are valuable because God loves us. Here is where I depart. I find his love quite literally pathetic. I have a hard time respecting a God that kowtows to measly humans like a puppy. Our value comes from God's love, but his love is greater if we reject it? I don't believe I get my value from who loves me. I believe any value I have comes from who I am, what I'm capable of doing, thinking, and becoming.

Jeremy Birge

O' Connor Monte Cristo, Zombie Ukrainian, Todd Rundgren, Gander, Letters to be written, Rick Ocasek, Stephen Colbert, Bucket, "my brother's kids," Dave Grohl dental work. As you can see, I have a lot to get through. Settle in.

As Nat X would say,"It is now 4:49 in the AM." I woke up at 3, and then after dreaming for a while (don't eat half a Monte Cristo before bed) about DAA and a bunch of people from the class behind me like Mike Hellman, Leslie Weidell, Seth Clark, and James Schumacher (recent MySpace addition), I know where it began, which is saying a lot because much, as you can see, has followed.

After my dream, I realized how much I don't trust Leslie Weidell, diabetic PK mountain-biking hottie that he is. I don't trust him because he, and by extension the rest of those enrolled at DAA in 1998, betrayed me in that year's Student Association elections. At one point, I was the only candidate for Spiritual Vice-President. Then after the deadline for submission of petition to become a candidate, the SA officers of that year allowed Leslie Weidell to join the race. They had to do this because the previous year Jeremy Birge, Sgt. at Arms for that administration, was allowed to join the race after the deadline the previous year. That year, many agreed this was a good thing because I don't think we liked who he was running against (I think it was Dusty Kirschmann, ask Scott for clarification). In hindsight, I guess I was also loathed like Dusty. Back to the election, Scott said that it was between the guy who prayed in guy's dorm worship and the guy who exposed himself during it. So I lost the election. In the previous year's annual, Pastor Gary (Burns) wrote: Daniel, You have great potential as a spiritual leader. Leadership is not limited to an office. It's a full-time-who-you-are thing. God Bless! PG I agree with him, but mandate from the people sure does help. In the year of the election his comment included: Sometimes your agenda and God's agenda get a little confused. Allow God to give direction. Give him permission to do His work in your life, and you will be glad.

I guess this was the beginning of my disillusionment with spirituality and religion. I know I was a stupid 17 year old kid, but it happens. Part of the reason for the impact this event had on me is that I've always associated community and religion. This is the only reason I go to church now (when I actually go), for the community. So when the community rejected me as a spiritual leader, it was difficult.

So that covers the feelings I got from my dream. After I woke up, I thought about what I could do with my time, seeins as I had the whole morning ahead of me. One of my options was to write a letter. I haven't written in a while, so I thought I might open with Todd Rundgren's "Hello, it's me. I've thought about us for a long, long time." Todd has been in my mind for a while since he was put on Stephen Colbert's "On Notice" board by Rick Ocasek (Rick was on the show as a resident limnologist because in a music video he, like Jesus, walked on water. Colbert put The Journal of Paleolimnology on notice because of an article proposing that Christ walked on a chunk of ice in the Sea of Galilee, and gave Rick the option to put someone up there too.) I realize why he was Ocasek's choice. I was also wondering why two ds. This got me thinking of other Todds and Todd Flanders came to mind, from the Simpsons. "Hens love roosters. Geese love ganders. Everyone else loves Ned Flanders." This ditty was the first time I realized that a gander was not a group of geese, which I figured it was since people say "What is good for the goose is good for the gander." when they mean what is good for one is good for all.

One more ramble. This morning as I sat down to the computer, I saw the lid to my honey bear on the computer desk. As I took it back to its home, I saw my honey bear all messy on the kitchen counter. SERGEY!!! is responsible for this. He came home tired from watching the boiler. I guess he wasn't too tired to make a mess he didn't clean up. Silly zombie Ukranian. As Billy Bob Thornton said in Tombstone, "It's like playin' with my brother's kids."

PS In the Foo Fighters video "Best of You," Dave Grohl, lead singer and former drummer of Nirvana, sings into a microphone with a majority of the video a close up of this. I wonder if the premium shots of his teeth allow him to write-off for taxes his dental work.

SDA

as in seven-day agnostic. I switched my religion on MySpace a few weeks ago, and thought I'd do so here too. I know this doesn't really matter to how people view me or think about me, my actions and interactions (with a little hearsay) do that, but I thought this would be as good a venue as any to work it out verbally.

Right now, I'm more not Christian than gung-ho Agnostic. Some reasons I'm not Christian. I don't believe in the divinity of Christ. This started by not really accepting His sacrifice for my sins, because I don't think I need it. [I don't know if I've discussed this here before, but sin seems very subjective to me, based on guilt mainly (what you feel guilty doing is a sin, different cultures issue different guilt). I'd rather not feel guilty, nor do I feel guilty doing or thinking things that used to be sin to me. So, if sin is subjective, which I think it is, why need someone to save me from it?] After over a year of not believing I need "the Cross," this Easter I decided Jesus is what I think the Buddhists and Muslims say He is, a great teacher/prophet, but not God.

I admit I've been influenced by other religious literature (see The Book of Mormon, The Koran, and The Dictionary of Norse Myth and Legend). Many religions have religious texts, and each believes in the veracity of it. Why is the Bible more true than the Koran, or the Book of Mormon for that matter?

Even longer than not needing the Cross, I've been more religious than spiritual (I've always mocked the start up Gen-X churches who promise "God without religion." I say, "No religion?! Not for me!"), even the religion part is out now. My take on those that are succeeding with Christianity (no offence) is that belief or faith is the important thing (I've felt this way about prayer for many years. Prayer focuses your mind on something; doesn't matter what happens--God is answering). I don't think it matters what you believe (in); if you believe and have faith, then you will feel better about your life (which is why you believe, so that you will feel good about your life). I think that about covers my non-Christian reasons.

I still believe in a God that created the Universe. Whether He has a place for me after I die, I don't know. Does it matter to Him if I live a moral life? I don't know. Does He want me to join a chosen group of people to worship Him? I don't know. Is He a he? I do not know. I guess that covers the a-gnostic part.

I Promise

I find it interesting that homosexuals use a symbol that according to Christian mythology was given by God as a promise that he would never flood the earth again. Presumably flooding the earth in the first place because of the rampant sin and corruption of its inhabitants. Aren't sodomists, who God has given plenty of laws about to His people, kind of waving it with a limp wrist in His face?

One of my co-workers recently received her daughter's report card. One of the areas of evaluation for the teacher to mark is "Embraces paradoxical thinking." How can you evaluate an eight year old on that, or anyone for that matter?

Immolation Is the Sincerest Form of Tragedy

Immolation means sacrifice from in-molare. Latin mola was ground spelt mixed with salt that was sprinkled on the corpse. The Final Cut, not to be confused with Final Cut, illuminates the practice when Alan Hakman (Robin Williams) tells Fletcher (James Caviezel) about sin eaters. These were outcast on the fringes of society. Bread would be placed on the body and and coins on the eyes. The sin eater would then eat the bread, taking the deceased's sin, and take the coins for payment.

In the context of the film, Hakman deletes the sins of individuals while preparing the videos of their lives for a "rememory." While he deletes the sins for others, these sins are still carried with him. He feels he deserves this task because he thinks he let a childhood friend fall to his death. So to serve penance for his negligence, he adds to his guilt that of others.

I don't want to get into the soteriological implications of this. But it is very tragic that an individual feels they deserve to carry the sins of others when their own sins are quite enough. So in this season, whose reason is the tilt of the earth's axis, don't let guilt rest on your soul, and especially don't let the sins of others rest on you.